420 ftw
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize