why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
