I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
