I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Randomize
