i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
