I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
