i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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