Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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