I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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