Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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