A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
