My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
