My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
