She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
