somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
