did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
