Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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