We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
