she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
