dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
