my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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