walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize