pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
