I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
