Do you still have your period?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
