I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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