Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
