I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
