The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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