You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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