he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
