i just had sex bonerless
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize