I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
