i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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