do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he shaved USA in his pubs
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
