just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
