The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
