tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
