also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
