my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
