it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
