He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
just found out that she named her cat after me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
