This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
