So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
