Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
