Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I cannot find my penis.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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