she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
