I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
