Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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