Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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