It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
