So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
