The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
