Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
