there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
