there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
