Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
