I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize