my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize