she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
