It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
