I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think my moral compass just broke
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
