My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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