it was like his penis was on wheels.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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