Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
