i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
