I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
