just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
