Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
