please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
