sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
