so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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