i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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