Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
