my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
