As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
