and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
