47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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