i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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