OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
