so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
