yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
