if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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