she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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