I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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