I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
