would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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