hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
