I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
