So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize