By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
