I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My vagina is officially offended.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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