tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
