peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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