Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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