dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
