you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
