we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
