would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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