I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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