That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
