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It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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