And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
